A new UK survey of 1,000 parents, commissioned by MAM, found that just 3% of parents trust their own parenting instincts. Only 5% say they can stay calm when their baby cries. Nearly half (46%) don’t know how to settle their baby, and 76% believe there is more pressure on parents than ever to do everything right. Almost four in five (79%) say there is more parenting information available than ever before.
Parents told a baby brand they feel overwhelmed, anxious and unable to trust themselves, and that too much information is part of the problem.
And the brand’s answer? A new ‘revolutionary’ gadget, the MAM Pulsi, which is placed on the babies belly and designed to recreate the pulsation of the umbilical cord…
I work in communications and marketing, so I know how this works. Research like this is a gift to a sales and marketing team. It gives you the headline, the pain point and the audience in one go. Parents who don’t trust their instincts are parents who will pay for reassurance.
As far as I can see, though, the research isn’t referenced anywhere in the Instagram or TikTok marketing for the Pulsi. I can’t know why for sure (I don’t want to get sued), but I suspect it’s because putting the two side by side would be too obvious. “Parents feel anxious and overwhelmed” next to “here’s something else to buy”. So instead the statistics go to the press, the product goes to the feed, and the dots stay unjoined.
The cynic in me would say they were launching a product built on the very insecurity their own research has just exposed.
Some babies do need specialist support and particular care. Some babies are harder to settle than others. Some parents are juggling several small humans and would love anything to help the long days go smoother.
However, for most of us, maybe we just need to remember that no matter how unnerving it can sound in the moment, babies cry and it’s usually one of a handful of things that would make them stop eventually.
I am not writing this from a high horse. I’ve been that anxious new parent.
I didn’t buy too many useless products I now regret, instead in the first few weeks after we brought Malachi home, I googled everything. I saved them because I came to realise I’d lost the plot, I knew how to burp a bloody baby 😩. I logged it in the app! It was ridiculous. By the way, why do our people love to force our babies to drink water? Anyway, at the time it was comforting. Usually I wasn’t necessarily searching for answers. In most cases, I wanted someone, anyone, to confirm what I already thought…
My instincts were enough, but I didn’t trust them entirely.
Somehow I still felt like I needed a stranger on the internet, or whichever page Google ranked first, for confirmation.
I didn’t message my mum, my aunty or my mother-in-law. Not the women around me who had already raised children. Or even the women I’d done antenatal classes with, where one mum even had her son the same day as me.
Instead, my instinct was to go to the internet rather than to actual people. I wonder if this habit will grow now that AI chatbots are so easy to ask. I understand the pull of an instant answer at 3 am, and I’m not judging anyone who does it; you can check my Google history. I just worry we’re losing what makes us human, relying on the instincts we have or the real people around us.
Then there’s the ‘stuff’. There are innovations and research that have helped to safeguard and protect children. Regulations with car seats. Not stuffing your child’s cot with 10,000 teddies and blankets, baby monitors, collapsible prams. All really helpful. I’ll happily defend and purchase some products on the market for babies. But the Pulsi? Babies were settled for thousands of years without one. I say daily, for various reasons that we have collectively lost the plot.
What actually helped me? It wasn’t a device. Partly it was time. No baby is the same, so I had to get to know this new tiny human and understand his cues. It was also my family and friends around me.
Seasoned mothers who weren’t alarmed by Malachi’s crying, who knew you just needed to try a few things until you worked out what he needed. Trial and effort and on reflection, I think failure is what so many of us are most afraid of. I’ll admit I wrestled with whether I should have kept some boundaries with so many people around me in the early days, but overall, it was wonderful to be filled with confidence by real people around me and not by strangers on the internet.
Going back to the research, I feel like it highlights so much of what is broken in modern life.
- We lean on social media to validate or dictate how we feel about anything.
- We are overwhelmed by choice. How long did you scroll Netflix last night before you eventually fell asleep without picking anything?
- We have friendships that are wide but shallow. We we can’t ring someone and say, “I don’t know what to do. Do you have any advice?” out of fear of being an inconvenience or seen as incapable.
All of that feeds anxiety. And brands like MAM are happy to wait in the pockets of that anxiety, knowing an overstimulated, nervous new parent is likely to buy one more thing they don’t need.
As a Christian, not leaning into community goes against the very purpose for which I believe we were created. We aren’t made to do life alone. Scripture in the Bible talks about bearing one another’s burdens, and about older women teaching and encouraging younger ones. When we replace those people, their stories, and years of wisdom, with search results, anxiety wins. We suffer in silence, and loneliness gets reinforced.
If I could go back and tell ‘new mummy me’ something, it would be to switch off. Give my instincts time to kick in. Before reaching for the internet, or the gadget, or the chatbot, try something that feels instinctive first. Hold them. Rock them. Try a few things. Be patient with the tiny human new to earth wondering what on earth is happening. Then, if I’m still stuck, message a person, a real life human being.
New parents, trust your instincts. You can stay calm when your baby cries. You know how to settle your baby.
I believe we are more capable than we think.
If you’re hoping for a child one day or pregnant, really make an effort to switch off and place limitations on the noise you let in that overwhelms the instincts that need time to kick in.
If you know someone who is a new parent, encourage them that they’ve got this! Strike a balance of providing support but giving them space to learn by themselves.
If you happen to be part of a marketing or sales team that’s planning to prey on the anxieties of new parents to sell them something that promises to solve all of their problems, cha!
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