Malachi’s Mummy

Matt and I indulge in some trash reality TV sometimes. We were watching Love is Blind our current guilty pleasure and one of the women complained to her friend that her husband hadn’t taught her anything since they got married. I turned to Matt and asked him if I had taught him anything, fully expecting him to say something heartwarming. Patience. That was his reply. Patience. 

It is well. 🫠

Honestly, he’s not wrong. If marriage has taught me anything, it’s how to (very slowly) grow a longer fuse. Add a baby into the mix, and I’ve become even more acutely aware of my need for it. 

The Ruthless Elimination of… Impatience?

A few years ago, in what can only be described as ironic, I rushed through The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. It’s a book all about how our fast-paced lives prevent us from experiencing peace, joy, and deep connections—with ourselves, others, and God. Comer points out that Jesus was never in a rush. His life had purpose, but his pace was deliberate, unhurried, and aligned with what really mattered. I love the idea. But as much as I’d love to float through my days like a serene, unbothered swan, life recently has had other ideas and I’m finding it harder. 

‘Life be lifeing’ sometimes, so of course periods of hurry are inevitable. But when I recognise that I’m living in a constant state of hurry, I can see it damages my wellbeing. Over time, it has led to shallow relationships, burnout, and a loss of joy and creativity at times. Despite reading it in a hurry (🥁) I recall that Comer encourages us to prioritise and make time for what truly matters. Intentional living, making conscious decisions about how to spend our time and where to focus our energy. 

That One Day Where Patience Was Nonexistent

I’ll share a recent day when Comer’s advice would’ve been really helpful. I woke up feeling physically drained, probably because I was fighting off a cold, but the show must go on. I sorted breakfast, tackled the usual nappy changes, we played, and then came the nap routine. I pulled down the blinds, turned on “Ewan” (his trusty white noise machine), and rocked him in my arms.

He rested his head on my shoulder, his eyes drooping in that I’m-almost-there way that fills me with hope. I thought, “Yes! Nap time is coming!” But then, as soon as I put him down in his crib, BAM—the giggles started. His legs started bouncing like he was auditioning for the baby Olympic team, and suddenly, we were in full-blown nap rebellion.

Normally, his giggle would melt my heart. But today? Not so much. After an hour of yawns, eye rubs, and zero sleep, I was done. Out of steam. I trudged downstairs and told Matt, “I’m done. He wins.”. Patience is harder when you’re tired, unwell, and just plain over it. And ironically, that’s probably when I need to exhibit it most. Perhaps Comers advice to me in this season is to live intentionally by going back to basics. Take care of my body, sleep, eat right and all will be well, right…

Love is not irritable

Another book I got back to regularly is ‘Loving the way Jesus loves’ by Phil Ryken. It’s an exploration of 1 Corinthians 13, often known as the “Love Chapter.” Ryken connects the characteristics of love with the life and ministry of Jesus showcasing how he embodied perfect love. Two chapters that I go back to regularly are on patience and irritability as for me these are massively interconnected.

He explains patience, in its simplest form, is the ability to endure delay or hardship without exploding into a ball of rage. The Greek word for patience, “makrothumia,” literally means “long-suffering,” which is essentially having a long fuse, being slow to anger. It’s about endurance—not just sitting there waiting, but actively choosing to hold back when everything in you wants to snap. For me, snapping often manifests itself with heavy sarcasm and irritation. 

Funny story: when Matt and I were newlyweds, he actually kept an “irritation counter” for me. Every time I exclaimed that I was irritated, he added to his counter. Apparently, I was irritated a lot. Thankfully, that counter doesn’t exist anymore (or so I assume…).

In the chapter on irritability, Ryken points out that love is not easily provoked or quick to anger…Patience! He contrasts this with my tendency to become irritated when faced with inconvenience or failure. To be honest, sometimes I just need to go take a nap, eat some food or go for a walk. Instead of sleeping, I’m up giggling at TikToks or watching reruns of Gossip Girl at 1am and wonder why I lack patience the next day. Cha!

One day I hope to master maintaining my composure and extend grace, even when circumstances could justify my irritation. When I think about patience as a parent especially, I can see that I’ll have a lifetime of holding back my immediate reactions, not because it’s easy, but because that’s what love does. 

The impact of patient Parenting

I love reading research and so as I’ve been contemplating the impact of patience on parenting in particular, I came across a study that explained parental patience—especially when responding to a child’s distress—has a huge impact on their emotional development. Calm, patient responses help kids learn how to regulate their own emotions better. Go figure. So, essentially, every time I stop myself from losing my cool during a tantrum, I’ll be shaping a tiny human. 

This got me thinking about the whole “gentle parenting” movement. I’m still on the fence about it, to be honest. I’ll save my full thoughts for another day (because I do have thoughts), but I can definitely say that patience—whether you call it gentle or not—is essential for our little ones to learn how to navigate life and their emotions better.

Why Patience Feels Harder on the Tough Days

The reality is patience is hardest when you’re running on empty. Motherhood has highlighted this for me like nothing else I’ve experienced before. And he’s not even walking or talking back to me yet 😂. There are days when patience feels impossible—when I’m sleep-deprived, my body is barely holding it together, and everything feels like a demand I can’t keep up with.

These are the moments that test my limits, and what I’ve learned is that patience isn’t just about staying calm when everything is going to plan. It’s about making a conscious choice, even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world.

On the days when patience seems completely out of reach? That’s where grace comes in. For myself, and for everyone else in the house 😂.

And next time I hear that giggle at nap time? Well, I might just laugh along. Or at least, take a deep breath before deciding what to do next.