Malachi’s Mummy

I prayed for Malachi to be curious. Long before I saw his face or knew his little hands would grab for everything in sight, I prayed that he would find joy in exploring the world. I wanted him to be the kind of child who asks questions, who’s not afraid to go deeper, who doesn’t just nod along but wonders and wrestles with the way things are. I’m only 10-months in and he’s certainly loving the exploring part at least. He has an openness to everything around him, touching, tasting, reaching—everything, all the time. We thank God for answered prayer eh! 🫠😂

Malachi’s curiosity is a gift, but it’s also a challenge for me. I’m learning what it means to let him explore but also to set boundaries. Encouraging his curiosity doesn’t mean he gets free reign to wander into danger. His curiosity needs a framework to grow. As Matt and I think about baby proofing I’m thinking about how to create little ‘safe zones’ in the house where he can explore, letting him touch and feel things without hearing “no” every five seconds. While the thought is nice, the reality is I’ll just take him to soft play to have a roll around without fear. 

The complexity of curiosity with friends 

Just as I’m learning these lessons with Malachi, I’m considering my own curiosity that shapes all of my relationships even if I’m not aware that it does. I think about a conversation with a friend not long ago. We were having a general chat and they shared they weren’t feeling well and had some doctor’s appointments. Initially I said, ‘Sorry to hear about that and hope things move in the right direction’. What a crappy response. I may as well have said ‘Warm regards’.

Deep down I wanted to understand what they were going through because I cared and perhaps I could offer some support. So a few minutes later, I checked back in and asked, “What’s happened if you don’t mind me asking. Absolutely don’t share if you’d prefer not to though”. They shared in greater detail which led to me being able to check in on them a few days later which they appreciated. Why did I feel like I was intruding and not enquire further in the first place? This was a friend I knew would absolutely be happy to share but I hesitated to ask. To be honest I still haven’t resolved the why on that one.  

Maybe the same curiosity that I get to see Malachi explore, is the same curiosity that can help me connect with others in my life. A curiosity that makes me want to dig deeper with the people around me, not just accepting “fine” as an answer when I know they’re holding back. 

Hoooowever, it’s also the same curiosity that needs boundaries. 

The kindness of boundaries 

Boundaries. I think sometimes we see them as restrictions, walls keeping us from what we want. But lately, I’m seeing them as a kindness. I don’t tell Malachi “no” just to shut him down; I tell him “no” so he knows he’s safe. And in my friendships, I’m learning that boundaries don’t mean I stop caring; they mean I care enough to give people room to share what they want, when they want. Sometimes the most loving thing I can do is sit back and wait, letting them come to me when they’re ready.

A grandmothers wisdom

Now my grandmother would probably say curiosity, plain and simple, is just being nosey. Actually not probably, during a recent visit she remarked that Malachi was nosey on several occasions as he responded to every sound and explored her busy living room. If you’ve been into an older Caribbean’s woman’s home, you’d understand there is plenty to be curious about.

But maybe there’s some truth to what she says.

I think there’s a fine line between curiosity and being nosey. That line is all about why we’re asking and how we approach striving for a deeper connection with someone. 

I think curiosity wants to understand, to connect, to get closer. It should be motivated by genuine care, an openness to learn. 

Nosiness, on the other hand, is that slight need to know for the sake of knowing, and an entitlement to be told whether the person wants to share or not. I think we know the difference deep down. Am I asking because I care deeply about them? Or because I’m just curious about their business? 

I’m not sure Malachi quite has the capacity to consider his intentions behind needing to touch and uncover everything but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he’s a curious explorer, not just a nosey parker…for now!